Name That Actor

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We discussed TV drama – specifically mumbling – yesterday. By coincidence, how about this gem from “The Department of You Couldn’t Make This Stuff Up”:

  • Mother-in-law: “Robert, you know the name of that actor who was with Elizabeth Taylor? In the 1950s?”
  • Me: “Uh, I need a little more info than that?”
  • Mother-in-law: “Back in the 1950s. You must know. Oh, what was his name?”
  • Me: “Sorry, I don’t know.”
  • Mother-in-law: “He was tall and blond. Oh, you know. A big American Hollywood star from back then.”
  • Me: “Uh, Bogart? Just kidding. Randolph Scott?”
  • Mother-in-law: “No, no. Not him. I’m sure Catherine will know. I’ll ring Catherine.”

[Mother-in-law proceeds to call her sister.]

  • Mother-in-law: “Hello. How are you? We’re fine. Stop talking for a moment and listen. I’ll put you on the speaker. I have a question. Robert doesn’t know. He’s being useless. I thought all Americans knew all about Hollywood. Anyway, we’re trying to remember an actor from the 1950s. You must know him. What was his name? Tall? Blond? American?
  • Aunt Catherine [through the speaker phone]: “Van Johnson.”
  • Mother-in-law: “That’s him! Van Johnson!”
from the trailer for The Last Time I Saw Paris (1954)
from the trailer for The Last Time I Saw Paris (1954)

[Wife and father-in-law both erupt in laughter.]

  • Me: “Seriously? On that info?”

Yes, seriously. I’m still laughing too. Call it, “I can name that actor in, uh, three notes….”


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